Staring & Caring (every day!)

Ever since arriving in China we have been stared at. Every day.  It does get old.  Quick.  In Beijing the stares were not so bad because there is more of a Western presence.  But in Guiyang and Guangzhou staring is out of control.  

Here are a few reasons we are being stared at....

1) We look different.  China is not very diverse, especially in more rural provinces.  Different people get stared at here, a lot.  We get requests for photos with people and have begun to understand the burden that many celebrities and athletes feel back home.  Sometimes it is much nice to slip by unoticed.

2) We have lots of kids.  Even before our adoptions, our group of eight families had 11 kids.  With adopted kids, we had 19 kids and so we drew attention.  China has a rule that restricts most of its population to only having one child.  A few exceptions are allowed to permit a second child.  A few families have the financial means to pay the hefty fine that permits them to have a second child.  We had a family with five kids and a family with four kids and a family with three kids and a family with two kids traveling around in our group.  Get the picture?  Lots of fun and lots of stares!

3) We have Chinese born kids.  Even though our children will be Americans in a few days, they were made in China and thus look different than us.  A mixed family is very different in China so many Chinese people did not know how to process what they are seeing in us.

4) We have some children with very visible special needs.  All of our children have unseen emotional, mental, and social needs from being orphans, but some of our children are physically different in noticeable ways.  Chinese people are not used to this.  Most people with physical differences are abandoned to die alone or in orphanages, or are secluded from others in orphanages or nursing homes.  The few disabled people that are seen in public were usually disabled at a later age and forced to become street beggars.

These (along with Jonathan's craziness), are the reasons we were stared at.  Here are the kinds of stares we received...

1) Gawking stares.  There were many people who were just curious.  We were obviously a curious and unusual sight.  We got many of the double takes that one might expect.  A brief double take here and there was tolerable and not too big of a deal.

2) Disapproving stares.  We have received verbal "tsk tsks" of disapproval, wagging fingers, and shaking heads.  Obvious racism and nationalism against foreigners.  Very sad, but expected from those living in a propaganda saturated country.  Many of these people have no clue that there are tens of millions of orphans living in their country (compared to 150,000-250,000 in the US).

3) Continued, awkward stares.  Not just double takes, but blatant stares.  Obviously talking about us while directly in front of us.  We know this is a different culture but there should be at least some common understanding of etiquette and courtesy.  Some of them made obvious gestures about kid's cleft palates and Alia's arms.  Some people would come and touch our kids and grab Alia's arms to look at them. We succeeded at remaining polite, but Brittney did grow a pair of pretty cool set of Momma claws too...haha!

4) Caring stares.  These were the best.  You could see it in their eyes.  You could hear it in their words, even if we didn't know what was being said.  We received thumbs up signs, humongous smiles, and encouraging looks.  Several English speaking Chinese people would come and tell us how wonderful it was for us to be adopting these children.  Several remarked how amazing and inspiring our lives and actions were to them.  They knew the plight of the tens of millions of orphans in their country and they appreciated the numerically small but relationally significant differences we were making.  We were so thankful for these caring stares.

American stares?  Will we get them?  Yes.  No doubt.  Maybe not as many, but probably for the same reasons. 

We know there will be the naturally curious.  Alia is our "jackpot baby" (1 in 200,000 have special arms like hers), so we acknowledge some people will notice that her arms and that her skin, eyes, face, and hair is different than they might associate with our family.  But family is deeper than blood.  Our God made Ali just the way He purposed, and He made her to become our daughter.  People will not understand how blessed we are by our beautiful girl.

We know Alia will be stared at for her physical beauty.  She, like Sophia and Lydia, is a beautiful girl with an amazing smile and laugh.  We hope and pray that her inner beauty shines brighter than her outward beauty and that one day Sophia, Lydia, and Alia are all filled with the inward beauty of God's Spirit within them.

We know there will be racist stares.  There is no justification for these stares, but we know the root of racism lies only in the hearts of those who have not encountered Christ's adoptive love.  Instead of being angered by and irritated by their looks, words, or actions, we will love them. We will pity their lostness and want to have compassionate words and actions ready so that they might come to know Christ's love.  Christ and His love is the key to undermining racism.

We know we will be caught off guard in the future and that sometimes our first thoughts and reactions might be more defensive than helpful.  We might even blurt out a witty and spiteful comments...our flesh wants to, but our spirit does not.  We don't want our daughters to be hurt by the stares and comments.  They are not blind or deaf, they will notice and hear.  We want to protect them, but more than anything we want to prepare them.  Please pray for us.  It is a new world of stares that we are entering into...we want to respond with grace and love.

Caring stares.  We look forward to these.  We know we will get them in the US.  People will be lovingly concerned for our daughter's health.  They will be interested in hearing how the Lord knit our hearts with hers and made us a family together.  Many will ask and be moved towards deeper prayers, sacrifice, and action for orphans around the world.  We love those who stare and care.

Our conclusion?  It is not fun being stared at...all the time...as we are in China.  But you know what?  As Christians we should expect and want to be stared at. Our lives should look different.  At times it will be annoying and we will feel judged and looked down upon.  May the stares of the world be upon us, so that they see the love of Christ within us!

To our family and friends...we welcome questions and for you to look at Alia's uniqueness because we know it will be in love! You all have been so loving on this journey and have already accepted Alia as our daughter! So feel free to let us help you understand how special God made her! She is quite the joy! We look forward to you meeting Alia Joy in person and seeing the miracle God created right before your eyes! We pray you are in awe of His craftiness in her and in each of us!